–
that was the time i sat there, prayed hard.
it was all wishful thinking on my part.
thinking things would make its turns,
other things were probably out of my concern.
wait, waiting, waited. i wasn’t mad, i wasn’t pissed. but when i heard on the phone, i was disappointed.
just like a re-enactment of the past. it wasn’t anyone’s fault but i just have to blame it upon myself.
i was too eager. i rushed into things too fast.
you got me thinking real hard. all over again.
‘I tried to move on. I really did. I tried to tell myself that you don’t want me and I can’t have you anymore. I tried so hard, but how can you let go of the only person who makes you happy? The only person who makes you feel alive? The only reason you’re still here? You just can’t let go of someone like that.’
it don’t break even.
there are some things in life which cannot be explained. as much as i want to lay them in words, i can’t because after all they have been broken inside.
you know when people say when one obstacle comes, they usually come in two or more and they all stay for some time, and for that i believed so.
the problem with me is that i have been too involved in certain things that i forgot to take notice of the reality that is happening. it can be scary and it’s something i have never thought about it until last night.
sometimes i wish this is just a nightmare where i can just wake up, feel like shit a bit then be okay afterwards. but i think this ‘reality’ has hit me so hard that i am still not flaring up, still trying to control my emotions. i don’t know why i am doing this and i know it may not be a good choice for me but i think this is the best solution so far.
i just need to rant here. i don’t want to talk to anyone.
i’m going to be okay. i just need time.
fatbunbun 